Republican mascot comes out of the closet
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Republican mascot comes out of the closetApril 01, 2005 00:00
Clive, the Central African Right elephant whose family has been mascots of the Republican party for the last 130 years, came out of the closet today. In a press conference at the Capital Zoo, announced by White House spokesman Scott McLellan, Clive announced that "he wanted henceforth to be referred to as Elley" and that he, or rather she wished to "reach out to the many disaffected Republican voters who are closet gays and compulsive HSN buyers". She then proceeded to apply lipstick and don a huge blond wig that was made from donated Madonna stage costumes. Furthermore, she announced that a recent visit to the zoo by a southern gentleman with a strong accent had revived suppressed memories of her molestation and abuse when as a small elephant she was paraded at a Republican convention in "an unnamed small town in Georgia." Republican officials are now consulting lawyers to determine if they can put a gag order on Elley or if it is actually against the law to molest small elephants in Southern states. The White House has refused official comment, but the Vice President's office stated that "homosexual elephants are not a complete abomination in the eyes of God."
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