First Lady: No Poor Orphans in Antarctica

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  First Lady: No Poor Orphans in AntarcticaJune 28, 2005 00:00 US First Lady Laura Bush arrived at McMurdo Station in Antarctica today as part of her 'Save the Children' tour, but appeared disoriented and confused after discovering that there were no hordes of starving children on the frigid continent. When questioned by the First Family press corps who accompanied Mrs. Bush on the trip, the First Lady insisted that " (US Vice President) Dick Cheney told me that all southern continents were guaranteed to have poor children." Upon hearing that scientists who work in 6 month shifts at the station frequently use contraceptive measures to avoid pregnancy, the staunch conservative declared that Antarctica is "a hotbed of un-Christian, un-American, educated elite," then stated that she will be meeting with the head of the National Science Foundation upon her return to Washington to "reestablish decent American family values in the country of Antafrica."