Bush Resolves to Journey to Hell
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- First: US Contracts with North Korea to Build Moat
- Previous: Bush Stuns Nation by Telling the Truth
- Next: Scott McLellan Attempts to Convert Press Corps
- Last: Republican mascot comes out of the closet
- US Contracts with North Korea to Build Moat
- Bush Team Adopts Forrest Gump Practice during Meetings
- Pat Robertson Issues Jihad Against Global Warming
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- Bush Posthumously Appoints Joseph Stalin as Secretary of Homeland Morale
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- Bush Thought Reagan Wanted US to be the Evil Empire
- Join the War on Terror
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- Texas Doctor's Joke
- Bush Urges World to Crack Down on Terror, Apathy, and other Useless Emotions
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- Bush to Father: I'm President Now, Daddy
- Homeless Vet Wouldn't Give $.10 to Attend Bush Dinner
- Bush Stuns Nation by Telling the Truth
- Bush Resolves to Journey to Hell
- Scott McLellan Attempts to Convert Press Corps
- Leaked British Memo: Ok to Call Blair 'Mini Me'
- First Lady: No Poor Orphans in Antarctica
- Man finds Iraqi oil under American territory
- Bush and bin Laden sibling are 'blood brothers'
- Bush Twins Caught Modeling Neo-Nazi Attire
- Colin Powell revealed
- Bush granted Presidential Medal of Freedom
- A new Monument on Ellis Island
- Republican mascot comes out of the closet
Bush Resolves to Journey to HellJuly 15, 2005 00:00
In a bold move sure to please the religious right, President Bush has dissolved the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, dismissing it as "a virtual Tower of Babel in the mistaken pursuit of equality with God." Instead, Bush has proposed a new "National Underworld Digging Enterprise" which will have the charter to tunnel a pathway "straight down to Hell." Bush hopes that the tunnel will allow a coalition of the willing to attack Hell, the ultimate front in the war on terror. According to Bush, "NUDE researchers will allow us to invoke the power of freedom to bring peace and prosperity to the democracy-loving residents of Hell." When asked what justification the US had for attacking Hell, Bush responded that the Bible documents numerous instances of Satan, Hell's evil dictator, using weapons of mass destruction (WMD). The President also reassured the country that he would not have to institute a draft because there are "plenty of staunch Republican voters who have the determination and resolve to go to Hell."
Next article: Scott McLellan Attempts to Convert Press Corps
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