Bush Posthumously Appoints Joseph Stalin as Secretary of Homeland Morale

"As the Secretary of Homeland Morale, Joe will be the president's right-hand man in convincing the American people that we are working hard to spread freedom and democracy throughout the world. Joe's job is to ensure that Americans become proud of the job that we are doing in Iraq and Afghanistan," stated Tony Snow in his first day on the new job. When asked about the effectiveness of a dead dictator on the job as Secretary of Morale, Snow's reply was, "Remember folks, while alive, Joe was a person of strong convictions and integrity. The president believes that the American people are smart enough to look at Joe's accomplishments while he was alive and to emulate his drive and desire to make the Soviet Union into a better land."

Snow seemed momentarily flustered when one of the reporters pointed out that the Halliburton contract to construct internal US detention centers had been moved under the new Office of Homeland Morale, but he quickly recovered. "The president believes that there are many tools that can be brought to bear to solve complex problems. Right now all options are still on the table and Joe and his deputies have the fullest confidence of the president in carrying out their duties."

There were no further questions. Next article: US to Subcontract TSA Activities to Saudi Arabia